papa's girl

papa celebrated his 64th birthday last september 2nd and it was the first time in 33 years that i wasn't there to celebrate with the family. i could imagine papa wearing one of the long-sleeved dress shirts i gave him underneath his "amerkana" while his guests would be in jeans and shirts. With friends alll gathered around him, he would be the life of the party....cracking jokes endlessly, his voice dominating, making fun of the guests who are so used to his sense of humor:
"Pinong, beer ka lang. hindi pwede sa yo 'tong blue label at pang-mayaman lang to. baka ma-allergic ka. hahahaha."

i could picture Pinong, his ever-loyal driver/errand boy who sidelines as a police officer (or vice-versa hihihi), smiling from ear to ear, far from embarrased, even more happy to be recognized by papa and be the subject of the joke. as always, it never fails...the rest of the boys would break down into uncontrollable laughter as papa continues with more punchlines.

as in any pinoy party, a videoke machine is invited. the boys would be showcasing their vocal skills to the delight of everybody (but not the neighbors!). in fairness, they really are good! you just have to forgive their pronounciation sometimes...bisaya man..."My Way" becomes "My We"... hihihi...

the house would be in chaos. mom would be taking care of the food. she prepares and cooks the main dishes while the rest of the food i.e. lechon usually comes from guests as gifts. mama would be entertaining the ladies too and sing her favorite song if she is lucky to grab the mic from the boys. in a separate table would be my brother and his friends. they don't like mingling with the oldies hehehe.

if i was there, i would be the official photographer gladly taking pictures of happy men holding to their beer bottles and my dad would be flashing his usual smile. i take a lot of pictures. papa loves pictures. i know how much he values being surrounded by friends and family on his special day. their presence is the best gift and my goal is to capture that.

the party would run from lunch to midnight...people come and go. masaya, magulo, maingay...

i could never remember a year when my papa didn't celebrate. every year, kahit hirap ang buhay or walang pera, he always finds a way to throw a party. sometimes i don't get it, oftentimes i don't understand. minsan nakakapagod magcelebrate especially if you think about the preparation and the actual day when you have to be on your toes flashing your best smile. but at the end of each celebration and i see papa's tired happy face while he recalls the highlights of the day, i know why he always insists on celebrating: it makes him happy.

but this year, i wasn't there. i tried calling but he didn't answer his phone. mama said he was busy checking out the venue. this time, they have moved out of our house which is the usual party venue to a bigger place that could accommodate more guests. wow, mas bongga pala this year! i tried to stay awake 'til 12 midnight (which is 3pm in Manila) to call him but no success. i woke up 7:30am (10:30pm manila time) and finally got hold of my dad. the party was still ongoing.

"happy birthday pang...kanina pa ko tumatawag pero di ka sumasagot sa phone."
"thank you...naku! busy ako sa kaka-entertain! sobra 400 ang bisita ko...!
"wow, ang dami naman. happy birthday ulit!"
"o kelan kayo uuwi? si racrac kumusta na?"
"ok naman...titingnan pa kung makakauwi kami, kelangan pa i-verify sa immigration kung pwede..:
"ok sige...o, eto ang mama mo, kausapin ka daw."
"ok..."

that was it. short and simple, like the way we are used to. with papa, it's always direct to the point. no drama, no out-of-topic discussion. hahaha. a lot of people are scared of him. with his sharp screaming voice and big eyes, it is sure to scare the hell out of any neophyte lawyer who faces him in court. he terrorizes his secretaries especially if they couldn't follow simple instructions. he is brutally frank, never thinking even for just a second if the words coming from his mouth would hurt the other person. and he doesn't care if you're the president or some kind of a VIP. pag galit siya sayo or may kasalanan ka, wala siyang pakialam kahit sino ka pa, humanda ka na!

but that's just half of the man he is. deep inside is a self-made man. my grandfather, a war veteran, left the family for another woman and papa, being the 7th of 8 children, struggled to earn his own money to send himself to school. he was an ice drop vendor, shoeshine boy, and even got paid by rich-but-not-so-bright kids by helping them with their assignments. Luckily he landed a college scholarship in Manila.

long story short, he became a lawyer. i was already 8 years old then. we relocated to his hometown in North Cotabato so he could serve his "kababayan." He ran for mayor...i was his "Kris Aquino." I delivered speech at the town plaza, distributed campaign leaflets at the remotest possible barangay. He lost. I am glad he lost. Politics is not only dirty but dangerous at that side of the country. Who knows what could have happened to us if he became mayor? After that disappointing episode in his life he went back to law practice and have dedicated his life to his profession since.

As a father he was very strict. He expected the best from me, i was pressured to excel in everything. While kids my age were playing in the streets, i was in his law office typing affidavits and chatting with his clients. He sent me to ballet classes, guitar lessons, quiz bees, oratorical/declamation contests. Weeks before my elementary graduation, all my after-school hours were spent practicing my valedictory speech which he himself composed. He wanted me to deliver an 8-page memorized speech. Bawal ang kodigo...for him there is no room for mediocrity.

He wanted me to be lawyer but i went only as far as finishing a Political Science degree. But i know he is still proud of my accomplishments. He was strict with me when i was in college. He didn't explain why, basta strict lang siya. There were times i felt he was being unreasonable but there's just nothing i could do. When i finished college, he gave me wings. He let me do what i want, never interfered with my affairs. Total 360degree turn. I was pleasantly surprised and it was only then that i understood the way he disciplined me.

With a father like that, you think it is easy to find a man who would measure up to his expectations? Definitely not! While papa never asked me about my lovelife or commented negatively on the boys i introduced to the family, i was able to figure out myself if these guys were good enough for me. He trusted my choice. When it was time for him to meet Fil, papa didn't ask him a question. He welcomed him with open arms...wala ng tanong-tanong...

I remember one time when i cleaned my father's room, i was so engrossed in the task of putting his files in order when i was stopped by the sight of his old typewriter. Call it corny but if it's a scene in a Maalala Mo Kaya, it would be titled "typewriter." Papa loves his typewriter. He revels in the tic-tac sound of the keys...it inspires him to think. When i bought him a computer, he tried to operate the strange machine by following my instructions but after a few days, he gave up. There's nothing like the sound and feel of a manual typewriter, he said. I touched the keys...each key is smeared with his fingerprint. some keys are stained with ink, while the others have a drop of the correction liquid. the carriage release lever is loose. i stared at it, i don't know for how long. i touched the keys. this typewriter is the sole witness to papa's dedication to his profession. he has spent a lot of time with it, mostly late night or early morning...this is where he has let all his passion, intelligence, thoughts all go out.

when i was a baby he composed a song for me: si maricar kong pinalangga...he'd sing it not only to put me to sleep but also during those drinking sessions in the province when one would be playing the guitar and the rest would be singing one by one. all his friends know that song...si maricar kong pinalangga. the last time i heard it was when i was in 3rd year high school. that time, i felt embarrassed...and i never heard it since. i must have told him "ano ba yan pang, bakit mo kinanta? nakakahiya naman..."

now that i'm a mother, i also have a song for racrac. i sing it to him when he's sleepy, when he's drinking his milk and when he suddenly wakes up in the middle of the night. i remember papa. it must have been the same...him singing his song to comfort me, make me feel safe, put me to sleep. now i wonder, how can a song delivered not with much professionalism but with so much love be comforting to me when i was a baby but 'nakakahiya' now that i'm old?

When i was still his 'little girl', papa adored me like i adored my son now. Although we don't have the technology back then and we couldn't even afford to buy a camera, papa managed to have me and my brother's picture taken on special occasions. He'd hire a photographer before the event and made sure our pictures were taken according to his instructions. Those were few valuable pictures compared to Racrac's gazillion photos in my file but each and everyone of those precious printed photos have a story to tell, some of them leaving an imprint in my memory.

But here's my favorite: cassette tape recorder. Papa's ingenuity is amazing. when i was 2 years old or maybe younger, papa would set up a cassette tape recorder and record his conversations with me.

papa: "December 24, 1976. Bisperas ng Pasko. Nandito kami ngayon ni Maricar sa bahay namin dito sa Intramuros, Manila. Nasa labas kami ng bahay hinihintay ang mama niya na namalengke. Si Maricar ay dalawang taon at dalawang buwan... Nasan si mama mo khay?
me: "namayengke.. si mama punta payengke..."
papa: "maganda ba bahay natin khay?"
me: "oo, gusto ko bayay natin kasi mabigat"
papa: "mabigat? haha baka ibig mo sabihin malaki?"
me: "oo nga, malaki... kasi yong kina lolo maliit eh, eto bahay natin mabigat.."

and the conversation continues. i have i think 2 cassette tapes that survived 'til now. There was even one time in that conversation that papa would say "oh yes, baby!!!..." and i'd answer him back "oh yes, baby...!" probably it was one of those popular catch phrases during that time.

Blame papa why i'm not so adventurous when it comes to food. At the dinner table where mama would serve adobong pusit, crabs and stuff like that, papa made sure i have my fried chicken to enjoy haha...! I could eat chicken the whole day and not care about seafood ;)

When i was applying for a job, papa prepared all my documents. Made sure i have everything i needed inside the envelope. He wakes me up when i have an appointment, he hates being late. He gives me my medicine when i'm sick round the clock never missing a minute.

We don't always talk about personal things. He's not melodramatic. he avoids talking having serious father-daughter or father-son conversations, the same ones you see in the movies. He never gave me advice directly or inspired me with his words when i'm sad and despressed. He couldn't handle those kind of things. But we do talk about politics, news, other people and his legal cases.

At the end of the day you either love him or hate him but one thing is sure, those who hated him ended up loving him. His clients are proud of him, they always share funny and witty anecdotes that happen in the courtroom. His friends forget him when they're happy but they always come to him when they need help... and papa is always there to welcome them with open arms. He is generous to a fault, a one-day millionaire so to speak, he is old-school, never had a single pair of jeans in his possession. He dominates, seldom compromises... and his dedication to his profession is indefatigable.

He is my father, and i will always be his little girl. I may have my own family now away from him but we had our time together and i hope and pray that we still have more years to enjoy in the future.

Happy 64th Birthday Papa!!!

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