5 seconds

How much could you accomplish in 5 seconds? Probably not much. You wouldn't even notice these few seconds tick away. But when life is on the line, 5 seconds could spell a big difference. It can save a life.

Last Saturday we were at a party for this pretty, sweet and charming girl whom i am so fond of. Let's call her Ana (not her real name). It was Ana's 3rd birthday and her younger sister's 1st. We held it in a neat club house with a party room and an adult pool. Only the usual family friends were invited so the celebration was intimate and leisurely. It was supposed to be the happiest day of Ana's life. It was. She blew the candles on her cake and played with the other kids by the poolside.

Although we didn't really plan to use the pool, the kids couldn't resist playing with the water. They sat by the edge with their legs hanging and making big fun water splashes. I, along with the other parents, kept an eye on them. We were even joking that if that "dreaded thing" happens, we would be forced to jump even if i myself don't know how to swim in 8 1/2 feet deep.

Racrac wanted to touch the water too.  Oh he loves water!  I sat beside him above 6-feet water while he wiggled his tiny feet and tickled the water with a twig he got from the older kids.  

Around 3:45pm, the party was over and the kids were all wet from their water-splashing game. Ana's parents and the other adults (including my husband Fil) were doing the cleanup. Ana and her older sister went inside to change but the boys just couldn't get enough of the pool. 2 boys went playing at the pool steps. Realizing it would be safer at the steps, we migrated. I rolled up my pants and dipped my legs in the water while i sat close to Racrac who was standing on the first step to my right. We watched the oldest boy (age 7) descend the steps to our right and swim in the water while the other boy (age 3) was cheering him on, a couple of steps below Racrac.  Their parents were there watching them so i wasn't worried. My attention was on Racrac whom i was holding tight to make sure he doesn't slip or pull away. Sometimes he would bend to touch the water with his hands and i'd be bending too while i hug his waist.  

Ana and her older sister showed up in their fresh dry clothes, obviously dressed to go home.  A few minutes later I heard splashes so i looked up to my right and saw Ana standing at the stairs knee-deep in the water. Her older sister was below her and her older sister already at the stairs.  They had their backs at me, and I "scolded" them 'coz they again got their clothes wet. The parents behind me said the same thing and told them to get out of the water.  I wasn't aware anymore what they did after that 'coz Racrac was being demanding of me - he would look up to me while saying his usual "woooohhh! da-da-da...ding!...ha?" with raised eyebrows waiting for me to say something back.

I don't know how long i stayed in that position. I must have sat there oblivious of the people around me while i held my baby. I must have heard the kids laughing, the water splashing and the parents cheering them on behind me but i wasn't paying attention.  I was talking to racrac and showing him how to make water waves.

Then i got a strange sensation on my left which made me look.  Could it be the wind touching my left cheek? could it be to pull back a hair that slipped over my left shoulder? could it be that i heard a faint splash? or could it be just coincidence that i did?...i couldn't remember.

When i turned, about 7 or 8 feet to my left blindspot, i noticed something orangy dancing beneath the water.  And to my total and utter shock, i saw two tiny hands and a face struggling to get above the water. It was Ana and she's drowning!

I turned to my right and frantically waved my left hand (my right hand was holding Racrac) to get the attention of the two men behind me. I could still remember seeing their happy faces transform into wide-eyed fear when i shouted in a panicky voice: "si Ana!!! Ana!!!!"

In a flash, both of them jumped into the water and made big loud splashes which alarmed the people inside the party room.  Then i saw one of them carry Ana out of the water and hand her over to her father.  I couldn't visualize where everybody was while it happened but i do remember feeling relieved to see that Ana was conscious. My heart was jumping out of me the whole time!

Thankfully, thankfully, Ana was ok. There was no need for a CPR which her mom, a doctor/nurse, was prepared to do. Ana clung tightly to her parents, evidently in a state of shock. But we were relieved she's ok. Thank God!

5 seconds. Approximately the length of time it took from the moment i realized she was drowning to the time she was pulled out of the water. How long she's been there before i saw her? Only God knows. What we know is that the outcome would have been different if it took a second longer 'coz one of the men said Ana was already on her way down the pool floor (hands no longer struggling) when he got her.

We tried to recall what happened but nobody saw how Ana got there at 4-feet deep on the left side of the pool. Why we didn't see her? Maybe because my attention was on Racrac while the others were looking at the right side of the pool where the 2 boys and Ana's older sister were playing. We could only theorize that she must have slipped from the stairs quietly. When i saw her, she was already struggling...thank God i was able to act quick! I am also thankful that the two men were close by. If it was only me, it would have taken me longer to stand and carry 14-month old Racrac away from the pool then jump into the water to save her. Who knows i could have either sat there in shock and done nothing or i may have instinctively jumped to save Ana and let go of my baby and put his life in danger.

It took me a while that afternoon to go back to my normal heart rate but even after i did, i couldn't stop thinking about it.  I may not have undergone the same degree of fear, anxiety, panic, dread, terror and trepidation as Ana's parents would have felt but i was scared too and the vision of her in the water will be forever burned in my memory. Things happen and they affect you. For me it was a wake-up call, a reminder that life can go wrong in a matter of seconds.  Especially with kids, you'll never really know when things will turn into an accident.  Being a parent can be scary. 

But hey, this is a happy blog and despite the unfortunate incident, it was a day to be happy and thankful for. Nobody imagined it could happen but it did and we're thankful to God for tapping us so that Ana could survive and live and continue to bring cheer and sweetness to our world for many more years to come.

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merry christmas!

it's a week before christmas and i feel like i'm already over it. we finished our Christmas shopping as early as first week of this month, gave them away last weekend and sent out the last of the gifts by mail this morning. done!

so what are we left to do? a lot more...! we will be away for a while to escape the winter chill. yes, the temperature here in the Bay Area has started to drop (in the 40s) and while it may not be that low compared to other States, it's still a dramatic change when you're so used to the sun. also, it's the wind here that chills you to the bone. brrrr!

but like i said, we're ready for our escape. it's winter...time to hit the beach yey! i may not be able to blog for a few weeks so let me wish you all now a very Merry Christmas. if you are still thinking of what gifts to give, here are my suggestions:

To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, good service.
To a stranger, a smile.
To people you're meeting for the first time, an open mind.
To the needy, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To your family, love and understanding.
To yourself, respect.

and as we all welcome the new year, may we try to let go of our excess baggage and travel light. no one should go through life carrying the burden of an impossibly unhappy situation.

more photos and stories next year.

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birthday post

days before my 6th birthday, my parents invited all my kindergarten classmates to my party. i was excited but had one request: no birthday cake. yeah, i told papa not to buy me a cake 'coz i didn't want to blow the candle. i am not sure what i was thinking that time but maybe, being a shy girl (yes, shy ako noon...shock kayo noh?! LOLz), i must have been scared of standing in the middle of a party crowd in front of a cake with all eyes focused on me while i blow that damn candle. stage fright? maybe.

but what's a party without a cake? and what kind of parents would throw a party for their princess but not buy a cake? on my big day, when everyone has gathered around me to sing happy birthday, papa surprised me with a hello kitty cake. and so i cried. really hard. shamelessly. in front of my classmates and family friends. i was like "waaaaahhhh!...sinabi ko na ayaw ko ng cake eh!"
see this photo? that's me in the middle (crying), my brother in blue shirt beside me, mama wearing brown blouse behind me and papa (smiling) who was signaling the photographer to take another shot. papa blew the candle for me.

the years that followed were not as memorable. my birthday usually fell on the week of school's third-grading period exams. in college, october was the busiest month. either i was preparing for the final exams or working on a paper or project.

debut party? cotillon? i never had those. i wouldn't enjoy them anyway. gastos lang...and again that would mean being the center of everyone's attention which i hate. for my 18th birthday, my parents gave me a gold necklace with a heart pendant. they also gave me a gold ring...i think that was for another birthday.

after college, birthdays were spent partying and eating out with friends. but they had to wait after october 3. on the exact date of my birthday, i had to be with my family.

my most memorable birthdays? dinner at Jollibee SM North Edsa with college friend Ivy for my 17th birthday, in 1997 when i lost my wallet and birthday cash to a pickpocket on the way to my boyfriend's house whose family i planned to treat for dinner (they threw a surprise party for me instead), that trip to singapore in 2005, introducing a boyfriend to my family in 2003 to silence all relatives who've been asking me the big question: "when will i ever get married?!" and of course, introducing Fil to my family in 2006. He nailed it! everyone loved him...day after that we escaped to puerto galera to celebrate.

last year we had a birthday cum despedida party. this year, mama and papa sent me a card and i have the two "men" in my life to celebrate it with.
they say that 34 is the new 24. what's the point of saying this? will it make me feel better or younger? ahhhh 24! of course i know how it feels to be 24. i had my time. been there, done that. such a dangerous age...trial-and-error stage, experimentation, taking everything that comes. life was an adventure then. i made some mistakes. i learned a lot. i remember when i was 24, i had so many dreams, plans, questions. it was a time of uncertainties, i didn't know then what was going to happen or would become of me: will i ever find the 'right' man? get married? have a stable career? travel? have kids?

so if you ask me, i'd rather be 34. at this age i have already reached some of my dreams, put to action most of my plans and found answers to many of my questions. while i still keep on dreaming, planning and questioning, the difference is that at 34, most of my major life issues have already been resolved and i am only left to deal with the minor day-to-day ones. i now live a more peaceful and purposeful life.

when i was 24 i asked God for one thing and i have been bugging Him about it, to the point of being makulit, every single night of the past 10 years. I got His answer recently and that, for me, is the best gift for my 34th birthday!

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papa's girl

papa celebrated his 64th birthday last september 2nd and it was the first time in 33 years that i wasn't there to celebrate with the family. i could imagine papa wearing one of the long-sleeved dress shirts i gave him underneath his "amerkana" while his guests would be in jeans and shirts. With friends alll gathered around him, he would be the life of the party....cracking jokes endlessly, his voice dominating, making fun of the guests who are so used to his sense of humor:
"Pinong, beer ka lang. hindi pwede sa yo 'tong blue label at pang-mayaman lang to. baka ma-allergic ka. hahahaha."

i could picture Pinong, his ever-loyal driver/errand boy who sidelines as a police officer (or vice-versa hihihi), smiling from ear to ear, far from embarrased, even more happy to be recognized by papa and be the subject of the joke. as always, it never fails...the rest of the boys would break down into uncontrollable laughter as papa continues with more punchlines.

as in any pinoy party, a videoke machine is invited. the boys would be showcasing their vocal skills to the delight of everybody (but not the neighbors!). in fairness, they really are good! you just have to forgive their pronounciation sometimes...bisaya man..."My Way" becomes "My We"... hihihi...

the house would be in chaos. mom would be taking care of the food. she prepares and cooks the main dishes while the rest of the food i.e. lechon usually comes from guests as gifts. mama would be entertaining the ladies too and sing her favorite song if she is lucky to grab the mic from the boys. in a separate table would be my brother and his friends. they don't like mingling with the oldies hehehe.

if i was there, i would be the official photographer gladly taking pictures of happy men holding to their beer bottles and my dad would be flashing his usual smile. i take a lot of pictures. papa loves pictures. i know how much he values being surrounded by friends and family on his special day. their presence is the best gift and my goal is to capture that.

the party would run from lunch to midnight...people come and go. masaya, magulo, maingay...

i could never remember a year when my papa didn't celebrate. every year, kahit hirap ang buhay or walang pera, he always finds a way to throw a party. sometimes i don't get it, oftentimes i don't understand. minsan nakakapagod magcelebrate especially if you think about the preparation and the actual day when you have to be on your toes flashing your best smile. but at the end of each celebration and i see papa's tired happy face while he recalls the highlights of the day, i know why he always insists on celebrating: it makes him happy.

but this year, i wasn't there. i tried calling but he didn't answer his phone. mama said he was busy checking out the venue. this time, they have moved out of our house which is the usual party venue to a bigger place that could accommodate more guests. wow, mas bongga pala this year! i tried to stay awake 'til 12 midnight (which is 3pm in Manila) to call him but no success. i woke up 7:30am (10:30pm manila time) and finally got hold of my dad. the party was still ongoing.

"happy birthday pang...kanina pa ko tumatawag pero di ka sumasagot sa phone."
"thank you...naku! busy ako sa kaka-entertain! sobra 400 ang bisita ko...!
"wow, ang dami naman. happy birthday ulit!"
"o kelan kayo uuwi? si racrac kumusta na?"
"ok naman...titingnan pa kung makakauwi kami, kelangan pa i-verify sa immigration kung pwede..:
"ok sige...o, eto ang mama mo, kausapin ka daw."
"ok..."

that was it. short and simple, like the way we are used to. with papa, it's always direct to the point. no drama, no out-of-topic discussion. hahaha. a lot of people are scared of him. with his sharp screaming voice and big eyes, it is sure to scare the hell out of any neophyte lawyer who faces him in court. he terrorizes his secretaries especially if they couldn't follow simple instructions. he is brutally frank, never thinking even for just a second if the words coming from his mouth would hurt the other person. and he doesn't care if you're the president or some kind of a VIP. pag galit siya sayo or may kasalanan ka, wala siyang pakialam kahit sino ka pa, humanda ka na!

but that's just half of the man he is. deep inside is a self-made man. my grandfather, a war veteran, left the family for another woman and papa, being the 7th of 8 children, struggled to earn his own money to send himself to school. he was an ice drop vendor, shoeshine boy, and even got paid by rich-but-not-so-bright kids by helping them with their assignments. Luckily he landed a college scholarship in Manila.

long story short, he became a lawyer. i was already 8 years old then. we relocated to his hometown in North Cotabato so he could serve his "kababayan." He ran for mayor...i was his "Kris Aquino." I delivered speech at the town plaza, distributed campaign leaflets at the remotest possible barangay. He lost. I am glad he lost. Politics is not only dirty but dangerous at that side of the country. Who knows what could have happened to us if he became mayor? After that disappointing episode in his life he went back to law practice and have dedicated his life to his profession since.

As a father he was very strict. He expected the best from me, i was pressured to excel in everything. While kids my age were playing in the streets, i was in his law office typing affidavits and chatting with his clients. He sent me to ballet classes, guitar lessons, quiz bees, oratorical/declamation contests. Weeks before my elementary graduation, all my after-school hours were spent practicing my valedictory speech which he himself composed. He wanted me to deliver an 8-page memorized speech. Bawal ang kodigo...for him there is no room for mediocrity.

He wanted me to be lawyer but i went only as far as finishing a Political Science degree. But i know he is still proud of my accomplishments. He was strict with me when i was in college. He didn't explain why, basta strict lang siya. There were times i felt he was being unreasonable but there's just nothing i could do. When i finished college, he gave me wings. He let me do what i want, never interfered with my affairs. Total 360degree turn. I was pleasantly surprised and it was only then that i understood the way he disciplined me.

With a father like that, you think it is easy to find a man who would measure up to his expectations? Definitely not! While papa never asked me about my lovelife or commented negatively on the boys i introduced to the family, i was able to figure out myself if these guys were good enough for me. He trusted my choice. When it was time for him to meet Fil, papa didn't ask him a question. He welcomed him with open arms...wala ng tanong-tanong...

I remember one time when i cleaned my father's room, i was so engrossed in the task of putting his files in order when i was stopped by the sight of his old typewriter. Call it corny but if it's a scene in a Maalala Mo Kaya, it would be titled "typewriter." Papa loves his typewriter. He revels in the tic-tac sound of the keys...it inspires him to think. When i bought him a computer, he tried to operate the strange machine by following my instructions but after a few days, he gave up. There's nothing like the sound and feel of a manual typewriter, he said. I touched the keys...each key is smeared with his fingerprint. some keys are stained with ink, while the others have a drop of the correction liquid. the carriage release lever is loose. i stared at it, i don't know for how long. i touched the keys. this typewriter is the sole witness to papa's dedication to his profession. he has spent a lot of time with it, mostly late night or early morning...this is where he has let all his passion, intelligence, thoughts all go out.

when i was a baby he composed a song for me: si maricar kong pinalangga...he'd sing it not only to put me to sleep but also during those drinking sessions in the province when one would be playing the guitar and the rest would be singing one by one. all his friends know that song...si maricar kong pinalangga. the last time i heard it was when i was in 3rd year high school. that time, i felt embarrassed...and i never heard it since. i must have told him "ano ba yan pang, bakit mo kinanta? nakakahiya naman..."

now that i'm a mother, i also have a song for racrac. i sing it to him when he's sleepy, when he's drinking his milk and when he suddenly wakes up in the middle of the night. i remember papa. it must have been the same...him singing his song to comfort me, make me feel safe, put me to sleep. now i wonder, how can a song delivered not with much professionalism but with so much love be comforting to me when i was a baby but 'nakakahiya' now that i'm old?

When i was still his 'little girl', papa adored me like i adored my son now. Although we don't have the technology back then and we couldn't even afford to buy a camera, papa managed to have me and my brother's picture taken on special occasions. He'd hire a photographer before the event and made sure our pictures were taken according to his instructions. Those were few valuable pictures compared to Racrac's gazillion photos in my file but each and everyone of those precious printed photos have a story to tell, some of them leaving an imprint in my memory.

But here's my favorite: cassette tape recorder. Papa's ingenuity is amazing. when i was 2 years old or maybe younger, papa would set up a cassette tape recorder and record his conversations with me.

papa: "December 24, 1976. Bisperas ng Pasko. Nandito kami ngayon ni Maricar sa bahay namin dito sa Intramuros, Manila. Nasa labas kami ng bahay hinihintay ang mama niya na namalengke. Si Maricar ay dalawang taon at dalawang buwan... Nasan si mama mo khay?
me: "namayengke.. si mama punta payengke..."
papa: "maganda ba bahay natin khay?"
me: "oo, gusto ko bayay natin kasi mabigat"
papa: "mabigat? haha baka ibig mo sabihin malaki?"
me: "oo nga, malaki... kasi yong kina lolo maliit eh, eto bahay natin mabigat.."

and the conversation continues. i have i think 2 cassette tapes that survived 'til now. There was even one time in that conversation that papa would say "oh yes, baby!!!..." and i'd answer him back "oh yes, baby...!" probably it was one of those popular catch phrases during that time.

Blame papa why i'm not so adventurous when it comes to food. At the dinner table where mama would serve adobong pusit, crabs and stuff like that, papa made sure i have my fried chicken to enjoy haha...! I could eat chicken the whole day and not care about seafood ;)

When i was applying for a job, papa prepared all my documents. Made sure i have everything i needed inside the envelope. He wakes me up when i have an appointment, he hates being late. He gives me my medicine when i'm sick round the clock never missing a minute.

We don't always talk about personal things. He's not melodramatic. he avoids talking having serious father-daughter or father-son conversations, the same ones you see in the movies. He never gave me advice directly or inspired me with his words when i'm sad and despressed. He couldn't handle those kind of things. But we do talk about politics, news, other people and his legal cases.

At the end of the day you either love him or hate him but one thing is sure, those who hated him ended up loving him. His clients are proud of him, they always share funny and witty anecdotes that happen in the courtroom. His friends forget him when they're happy but they always come to him when they need help... and papa is always there to welcome them with open arms. He is generous to a fault, a one-day millionaire so to speak, he is old-school, never had a single pair of jeans in his possession. He dominates, seldom compromises... and his dedication to his profession is indefatigable.

He is my father, and i will always be his little girl. I may have my own family now away from him but we had our time together and i hope and pray that we still have more years to enjoy in the future.

Happy 64th Birthday Papa!!!

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keroppi's secret

guess who i found today?! Kero Kero Keroppi! i was browsing through some old documents i brought from the Philippines and i was so surprised to find this folded piece of stationery hidden in the inside pocket of my old planner. i have no idea how he got there! this guy, if i may tell you, is my 2nd favorite sanrio character next to Hello Kitty but he is special because we share a secret. through the years, it's unbelievable how he managed to stick with me and he surfaces from time to time to remind me of the pact i made with myself 15 years ago.

dated september 27, 1993, it was in this small piece of cute scented paper that i wrote the "things i want to do before i die". hihihi. that time, i was in third year college sharing a room in a dormitory with Candy. both our birthdays were coming in a few days so, katuwaan lang, we made a list of what we wanted to accomplish not in the next 5 or 10 years but before we die...para mas dramatic ang dating hehehe! these were simple wishes and desires arising from our situation and priorities at that time as young women who will soon be out of college and excited about the future.

wanna know what's in my list? ask kero kero keroppi, how about flipping him over or look closely at the photo and decode the inverted text? :-p i can only go as far as saying that out of the 25 i listed, 3 are only 50% done and i have 8 things still waiting to happen.

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happy and sad birthday

I celebrated my 33rd birthday last october 3 with my family in the Philippines and i was in a happy mood 'coz i have so much to be thankful for: my relationship with Fil, my US visa approval and of course, our upcoming baby boy. But these things that made me happy on my birthday were the very same things that saddened me because to truly realize them, i had to travel thousands of miles and be away from my family and friends, my cat Yna, my little green house...far from the things that i'm so used to having and doing.

During the party, amidst the noise of the videoke machine, i was spacing out - imagining embracing Fil and sharing with him the joys of our life together as a couple. Somebody called my attention for a picture so i stopped daydreaming and joined the fun. Mom and dad were singing the night away but I knew they were masking what they truly feel. They aren't the perfect parents nor am i a perfect daughter but one thing's for sure: we'll miss each other.

Life is bittersweet, so full of choices, can't have it all. So I made a choice: that is to live a life far away from my family but close to the owner of my heart and soul. There was no turning back. Day after my birthday i took the plane that brought me here in Fremont, California. This is my home now.

In one of my previous posts i wrote about me being two women trapped in one physical body:

one craves for all the joy, thrill, adventure and excitement this life could offer;
the other snuggles to life's routines, to the certainty of repetitive work

one rides the roller coaster, feeling trapped yet delights in going up, down and upside down; the other rides the carousel, safe and secure in simply going round and round

one dreams of traveling the world and getting to the very top of the career ladder; the other wishes to stay home, read a book and enjoy the simplicity and comfort of family life...

Now is definitely the time for me to play it safe, take it easy, enjoy life's routines, snuggle to the comfort of family life, stay out of the limelight, forget about accomplishing urgent things and focus on what's important, take care and love someone and savor being taken cared of and loved back.

My life now requires less makeup, no schedule, none of those conference tables, researches and deadlines, no bills to worry about, no Kris Aquino in my living room but still a life full of excitement and adventure in a different kind of way. Wish me luck! :-)

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joy ride

While everyone was busy with the elections last Monday, i quietly left Metro Manila to accompany my pamangkins back to the province. Our bus left the station at exactly 7am and we reached Bauang, La Union in 5 hours. We had lunch and after saying hellos & goodbyes to my relatives, i again boarded a bus bound for Manila. By 7pm, i was back where i came from 12 hours ago!

I was alone during the trip back. I didn't exchange any word with the guy seating beside me who was busy with his iPod. I didn't sleep..i rarely doze when i travel. I always savor every tree, every stranger while i roll through each town. Usually when i'm stuck in a bus and my body is idle, i busy my mind with thoughts of what makes me happy, sad, my worries, plans, fears, immediate concerns, what to do as soon as i step out of the container. There was a time i worried too much that i didn't want the bus to stop. The ride was my easy escape. I wanted to stay there, go anywhere, run away from the world. One time i even wished for the bus to breakdown so i can step out for a while and breathe fresh air, wait for it to be fixed, kill time...postpone life.

It was different last Monday while i ponder on my life in a bus. I have no worries, no fears, no hate for anybody...just thoughts of how contented i am. My parents are healthy, my brother is in love. I'm no longer stuck in an 8-5 oppressive job. I have no deadlines to meet. I can do what i want, I own my time. I believe I've done my part in making other people happy. I have friends who will always be there for me. I'm in love and Fil is crazy about me! teeheehee...

It's a struggle how i got here - a battle between the pros and cons, making choices, stepping out of my comfort zone and facing the consequences, a series of trials and errors, having the firm resolve to say NO to temporal joys. In my past life i was stuck in a situation that is "pwede na" or "ok na kesa wala" but deep inside the molecules of me i knew i deserved to be in a better place. I was stubborn, never satisfied and knew very well what i wanted so when everybody wasn't looking, I shifted gear. My spirit never faltered...until i reached this point: I am totally at peace with myself now. No regrets, definitely. Believe it or not, everything happens for a reason :-)

Of course, I'm still wanting of many things. I want to have my own family, travel more, take pictures, make more money! I also think about my friends who are going through difficult times. I have a cousin currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer. Some parents i know worry about where to get the money for their kids' enrolment. I still need to lose weight. I have debts to pay. These are issues guaranteed to set me in a bad mood. But NOT NOW. I don't worry about them anymore. For the first time i actually believed it when i said to myself that problems are there to be solved - to make us feel 'alive' - and that things will come and happen at the right time. I am enjoying the moment now believing that the future will take care of itself. Naks, positive thinking ito! hehe :-) My seatmate must have heard me talking to myself 'coz he threw me a quick side-glance. Deadma!

I enjoyed the ride, yes, but i was relieved when we reached the terminal. End of the bus ride, continue with my life. Damn i'm so happy it scares me! hahaha...

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my place, my space

you protect me from the rain, the scorching sun, the sweltering heat, the destructive typhoons. you give me warmth and comfort during cold windy nights. you keep me safe and secure. you welcome my guests. you keep me company. you confine me yet give me room to move and breath. you have space for all my stuff: no more keeping them in boxes. you showcase my life captured in pictures. you provide me entertainment: when i am lost in the adventure of a book, your ceiling disappears and gives way to vast landscapes, snowy mountains, forests and endless seas, outer space, what-have-yous. you allow me to dress you up. you encourage my creativity and artistry and seeing my creations on you makes me really proud. you grieve and celebrate with me: your walls and doors deaden my sobs, your windows fan out my laughs. you know my stories, my fears, my joys, my plans, my dreams, my secrets.

the first time we met you were nothing but an empty dirty piece of square lot, i wasn't even sure then how to keep you. but that's history...we've been together for five years now. you ended my restlessness - no more moving in and out, packing and unpacking, meeting and leaving...

happy anniversary to you my dear cute little green cozy house. let me light some candles now so we can both wrap ourselves up in aromatic bliss.

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32nd birthday; Corregidor!

Hi, today is my 32nd birthday. Feels great to wake up to a beautiful day and look straight to the eyes of the person i hope to spend the rest of my birthdays with.

I haven't done any reflection yet as i was busy touring with Fil the past few days (we already went to Corregidor and Intramuros) and today we will have a party at my parents' house and it will be the first time for Fil to meet my family. Wish us luck! :-)

Meantime, i'm writing about our trip to Corregidor. This will keep you busy for now. Welcome to your past, everyone! :-)

September 30, 2006. History should not be boring...and this was proven true by our english-speaking filipino tour guide, Armando, who kept on injecting funny anecdotes and trivias in between recitation of historical facts and figures as we cruised the interior of Corregidor island aboard the colorful tranvia bus. It was my third time in Corregidor but it didn't matter - i was as eager and interested as a first-time tourist.

While the whole of Luzon was suffering from a blackout caused by typhoon Milenyo, Fil, Gracie and I braved the big waves of Manila bay and pushed through with our trip. Not surprisingly, some parts of the island looked like they've been hit by a bomb: fallen trees, damaged roofs, broken branches, scattered leaves. Of course this was the doing of typhoon milenyo and if only for that i had to thank him because the chaotic look he created even made the island look more authentic :-)

Corregidor is known the world over for its role in war, bravery, and history. A rock island remarkably shaped like a tadpole at the entrance of Manila Bay, Corregidor's strategic location was vital in the defense of Manila during World War II. While it is geographically closer to the province of Bataan, Corregidor remains a part of Cavite. The name 'Corregidor' came from the Spanish word 'corregir' which means 'to correct', since the island was a checkpoint for vessels entering Manila Bay during the Spanish and American occupations.
The whole island is a national historic shrine. It has no local residents (no politics here!) and is maintained by about a hundred people composed of the hotel and museum employees, tour guides, drivers, gardeners, etc. During our day-tour, we visited the following sites: Battery Way, Battery Hearn, Battery Grubbs, Mile-Long Barracks, Pacific War Memorial Park and Museum, Eternal Flame, the Old Spanish Lighthouse where we were rewarded with a breathtaking view of the island including that of Cavite, Bataan and Manila, Japanese Garden of Peace, Filipino Memorial Park and the Lights and Sounds show at the Malinta Tunnel depicting the events in Philippine history covering the period 1941-1945. Each time we visited a site, our tour guide gave us a brief historical background then allowed us to disembark the tranvia bus to take pictures (my favorite part!).

Those who want to stay overnight will not be left with nothing to do because there are still a lot of activities to choose from. The island welcomes families with children, too. There is a hotel and beachfront, treasure hunts for kids, hiking trips, sunset viewing, an aviary and an evening light show at the Malinta Tunnel to make one's historical immersion almost complete. For those who simply want to be away from the polluted, noisy city, Corregidor is a beautiful island teeming with wildlife and lush, serene hills. We were thankful that while some trees did not survive the wrath of typhoon milenyo, the whole island has more than enough trees to cover up for its fallen comrades.

It's amazing how it only took a 75-minute boat ride from Manila to step back to history. It was a trip different from the others...a chance to experience history take on a vivid life. While the island is now silent, definitely the ruins of the batteries, barracks, structures and tunnels will continue to tell a very moving story of a war that has claimed so many lives and has seen so many heroism. Somehow it made me feel guilty that my purpose for coming here was not only to refresh my memory but mainly to practice my photographic skills. Hmmm, if only the walls could speak...
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new blog title: Whatever Makes Me Happy

it was in 2006 when my pregnant mind gave birth to this personal blog. that time, i had so many thoughts and questions in my head but was too lazy to write a diary the old-fashioned way so i turned to technology.

my first try was a Friendster blog in january 2006 which i titled "Ponder and Wonder." that time, i just finished my contract with the Supreme Court of the Philippines with no intention to renew, was waiting for an EU-funded project in La Union to commence where i would be a member of the project team and was struggling to keep a relationship which eventually faded away. Most of my entries were sad, depressing and dramatic albeit very deep, creative and profound sometimes obscure and with hidden meanings.

then i signed up for blogger in March 1, 2006 and titled it "Postcards from Heaven." i originally intended to use the site as a photo blog to feature my travels around the Philippines.  I subtitled it heaven is a place on earth, only if we bother to look. As you can see in my first few entries in this blog, i have nothing there but photos and captions.

By late April 2006, i met Fil and everything changed. I was lying on a bed of roses again...i was happy...and i ran out of sad thoughts to update my friendster blog so i got rid of it. It suddenly became irrelevant, i even deleted most of my entries without even bothering to keep a copy in my files.

But i decided to keep this site to continue to inspire me to write, to think, be creative and share.  After i met Fil face-to-face, i was overflowing with happy thoughts and experiences. The title "Postcards from Heaven" no longer represent my blog posts so out of nowhere, like manna falling from heaven, i grabbed the title "Whatever makes me Happy."

Yes i still believe that heaven is a place on earth only if we bother to look.  Heaven is the simple everyday ordinary things that make us happy.  It is our daily adventures.  It is making other people happy by being happy yourself.

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Two Women



Mt. Tapyas, Coron, Palawan - April 2004

I am two women trapped in one physical body:
one craves for all the joy, thrill, adventure and excitement this life could offer; the other snuggles to life’s routines, to the certainty of repetitive work

one rides the roller coaster, feeling trapped yet delights in going up, down and upside down; the other rides the carousel, safe and secure in simply going round and round

one dreams of traveling the world and getting to the very top of the career ladder; the other wishes to stay home, read a book and enjoy the simplicity and comfort of family life

one leaps blindly, prepared to face the surprises of the unplanned; the other steps back from a cliff after peering over it, always on the side of things that can be planned

one faces the world with a sweet, happy smile; the other with a mona lisa

one is passionate and surrenders blindly to it; the other keeps her passion at bay and on guard

one is possessive, suspicious and selfish; the other is freeing, trusting and selfless

one publicly talks about herself; the other keeps a diary.

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