joy ride

While everyone was busy with the elections last Monday, i quietly left Metro Manila to accompany my pamangkins back to the province. Our bus left the station at exactly 7am and we reached Bauang, La Union in 5 hours. We had lunch and after saying hellos & goodbyes to my relatives, i again boarded a bus bound for Manila. By 7pm, i was back where i came from 12 hours ago!

I was alone during the trip back. I didn't exchange any word with the guy seating beside me who was busy with his iPod. I didn't sleep..i rarely doze when i travel. I always savor every tree, every stranger while i roll through each town. Usually when i'm stuck in a bus and my body is idle, i busy my mind with thoughts of what makes me happy, sad, my worries, plans, fears, immediate concerns, what to do as soon as i step out of the container. There was a time i worried too much that i didn't want the bus to stop. The ride was my easy escape. I wanted to stay there, go anywhere, run away from the world. One time i even wished for the bus to breakdown so i can step out for a while and breathe fresh air, wait for it to be fixed, kill time...postpone life.

It was different last Monday while i ponder on my life in a bus. I have no worries, no fears, no hate for anybody...just thoughts of how contented i am. My parents are healthy, my brother is in love. I'm no longer stuck in an 8-5 oppressive job. I have no deadlines to meet. I can do what i want, I own my time. I believe I've done my part in making other people happy. I have friends who will always be there for me. I'm in love and Fil is crazy about me! teeheehee...

It's a struggle how i got here - a battle between the pros and cons, making choices, stepping out of my comfort zone and facing the consequences, a series of trials and errors, having the firm resolve to say NO to temporal joys. In my past life i was stuck in a situation that is "pwede na" or "ok na kesa wala" but deep inside the molecules of me i knew i deserved to be in a better place. I was stubborn, never satisfied and knew very well what i wanted so when everybody wasn't looking, I shifted gear. My spirit never faltered...until i reached this point: I am totally at peace with myself now. No regrets, definitely. Believe it or not, everything happens for a reason :-)

Of course, I'm still wanting of many things. I want to have my own family, travel more, take pictures, make more money! I also think about my friends who are going through difficult times. I have a cousin currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer. Some parents i know worry about where to get the money for their kids' enrolment. I still need to lose weight. I have debts to pay. These are issues guaranteed to set me in a bad mood. But NOT NOW. I don't worry about them anymore. For the first time i actually believed it when i said to myself that problems are there to be solved - to make us feel 'alive' - and that things will come and happen at the right time. I am enjoying the moment now believing that the future will take care of itself. Naks, positive thinking ito! hehe :-) My seatmate must have heard me talking to myself 'coz he threw me a quick side-glance. Deadma!

I enjoyed the ride, yes, but i was relieved when we reached the terminal. End of the bus ride, continue with my life. Damn i'm so happy it scares me! hahaha...

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