happy and sad birthday

I celebrated my 33rd birthday last october 3 with my family in the Philippines and i was in a happy mood 'coz i have so much to be thankful for: my relationship with Fil, my US visa approval and of course, our upcoming baby boy. But these things that made me happy on my birthday were the very same things that saddened me because to truly realize them, i had to travel thousands of miles and be away from my family and friends, my cat Yna, my little green house...far from the things that i'm so used to having and doing.

During the party, amidst the noise of the videoke machine, i was spacing out - imagining embracing Fil and sharing with him the joys of our life together as a couple. Somebody called my attention for a picture so i stopped daydreaming and joined the fun. Mom and dad were singing the night away but I knew they were masking what they truly feel. They aren't the perfect parents nor am i a perfect daughter but one thing's for sure: we'll miss each other.

Life is bittersweet, so full of choices, can't have it all. So I made a choice: that is to live a life far away from my family but close to the owner of my heart and soul. There was no turning back. Day after my birthday i took the plane that brought me here in Fremont, California. This is my home now.

In one of my previous posts i wrote about me being two women trapped in one physical body:

one craves for all the joy, thrill, adventure and excitement this life could offer;
the other snuggles to life's routines, to the certainty of repetitive work

one rides the roller coaster, feeling trapped yet delights in going up, down and upside down; the other rides the carousel, safe and secure in simply going round and round

one dreams of traveling the world and getting to the very top of the career ladder; the other wishes to stay home, read a book and enjoy the simplicity and comfort of family life...

Now is definitely the time for me to play it safe, take it easy, enjoy life's routines, snuggle to the comfort of family life, stay out of the limelight, forget about accomplishing urgent things and focus on what's important, take care and love someone and savor being taken cared of and loved back.

My life now requires less makeup, no schedule, none of those conference tables, researches and deadlines, no bills to worry about, no Kris Aquino in my living room but still a life full of excitement and adventure in a different kind of way. Wish me luck! :-)

Tweet